Poem "To my only one"

I saw this beautiful poem from Knerrir:



To my one truest


Love
When a thousand times repeated
To the one truest
Still means
Love




and found myself inspired to write a mirror-poem to it

To my only one

Love

Spoken once

To the only one

Will keep the truest meaning of

Love

Pillowbook "that feeling you do not want to name"

Whenever my mother writes to me she always ends her letters with "how can you go on like that.." or "can you really work in those conditions..", "you won't be able to do that will you?" and so on and so forth. (Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with my excellent work that I love, but with the fact that I have a medical condition that makes it harder for me to do what everyone else takes for granted...)
The words are clear, she is worried about me and wants what is best for me, as any mother would.

Yet, I cannot shake of this feeling that what she really says is "fail as soon as possible so I don't have to think about it...".

I am sure many would disagree with me and say "of course she wouldn't want that" but then again, I know things about my mother that they don't, and it is this knowledge that makes me hear things that she doesn't say out loud.

I try not to let it get to me, but in all honesty, it would be wonderful to instead hear her say "You are great fighting like that, we are right behind you cheering you on!" instead of "just give up".

but then again, she has never cheered me on in anything else either and that hasn't stopped me from travelling the world, getting my specific education and a job I love.

Still, just once, I would be wonderful to hear my mother praise me. Just once.

Gundam Wing fanfiction in "Recommended Reading"

I am slowy getting back to my favourite OTP HeeroXDuo from "Gundam Wing" - some years ago I was mad about this couple and I realised the other day that this obsessions has never left, just shifted. There is just something very compelling about a violent, unfeeling guy coupling with a loud, brash guy with super-long hair - ah, the angst, the blood, the smut...

There was a period when I was on "Gundam Wing Addiction" every day reading something, yet I have never tried to write something myself on this couple - maybe because there are so much written already and its sooooo frigging good, like D. C. Logan.

I just love these fics from D. C Logan even though they are pretty mellow and non-smutty, the language is beautiful and the stories compelling. I feel like a better author just reading them.

Highly recommended!

Man, I miss anime like this, were the mere opening song  makes you go into bliss and nostalgia...

Pillowbook "are you bored yet? "

I had a visitor as I was lying in in my hospital bed hooked up to a breathing machine, two IV's in my arm and a nose tube for feeding, who suddenly asked me:
"Aren't you bored lying here and having nothing to do?"

I didn't have anything nice to say because all that comes out is: You wouldn't understand.

Boring is something healthy people do. If you are really, really sick you don't get bored. Because every cell, every fiber in your body is working so hard to keep you alive, focused only on one thing: survival.

Asking a mortally ill person if they are bored is like asking the guy who fought a grizzly, got his arm ripped off and then stumbled through the forest for days in search of help: "Wasn't it boring to walk that distant, there was nothing but forest to see?"

So next time you visit someone very sick, instead of stupid questions, hold their hand and tell them everything about the world outside. Tell them of things you have done and people you have met, or even better how much you like them and wait for them to get better so you can together go and do all these things.

but most of all...just hold their hand...

Poem "stop if you can"

the Earth kept moving
and I too
trying to keep pace with it

ran in the opposite direction
only to discover

I moved faster
than I wished

My "Sungkyunkwan Scandal" fics hosted on Tumblr

Gosh, I am so hot even Gu Yong Ha gives me approval! 

Pic from fyeahsongjoongki

Not only are my "Warrior Baek Dong Soo" fanfics hosted on DongSooSlashYeoUn but now my "Sungkyunkwan Scandal"  fics are ALSO hosted, on MySlashWorld!

TAMEAUT is CONQUERING TUMBLR and SPREADING THE SMUT !

Poem "shine through"

Everyone has a Flame
of infinite potential
and beauty

Everyone is a Candle
precious beyond belief
in this large cavern of dark
we inhabit

Everyone possess a Light
which illuminates
what once was gloom
and dark
and dread

maybe because
our heart glows outwards
and not inwards
it is possible for us to see others light
making us believe
all others are so bright
when we are sure we are not

maybe because
our heart glows outwards
and not inwards
it is impossible for us to see our own light
flickering and dancing
with singular grace
and abandonment

except in the reflections
of others
eyes

maybe that is the nature of light
and our
hearts



for Maria, who inspired me

Poem "...comes around"

I bend
I surrender
There is nothing more of me to give
There is nothing more that you can take

I yield
My defeat
I have given all I can
You have taken all you want

Just know,
bamboo folds and yields and molds
then whips right back
with brutal force

for
I regret nothing at all
and all you have taken
will come back to me

just like the fallen leaves
of autumn
gives a new aspiring spring

Poem "silently, I scream - violently, I dream"

your precious words are a thin, thin string
wrapped around me
so tightly
it tears at my edges

bleeding me raw

but
they are all that keep me together
for I am broken and bent
like a too old puppet

in a shadow play of life