Title: Creep
Series: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Soundtrack: Creep – Radiohead
Spoilers: -
Summary: Ha In Soo loathes Gu Yong Ha, or does he?
Excerpt: “As Yong Ha's hand slipped of and he walked in to the night Ha In Soo could not breath”
Pairings: Ha In Soo/ Goo Yong Ha (platonic)
Word count: ~2000
Rating: T (songfic)
Warning:
Other: Lyrics from Creep by Radiohead, quote from the Confucian Analects
Thanks: Solanyxe whose use of the quote from the Confucian Analects in her “Hunter's knife” inspired me so much I had to reuse it. Also iFardel who's use of “want” in “Bloody doesn't suit you” blew my mind until I had to use it too.
__________________________________________________________________
“When you were here before, Couldn't look you in the eye”
Ha In Soo's flint hard eyes could not tear themselves away from the water drops running down Yong Ha's hand and in under the sleeve of his elaborately decorated coat. When Yong Ha casually turned around, Ha in Soo immediately focused on a spot on the wall, as if the mere sight of Yong Ha was appalling.
How he loathed this creature before him, his flighty ways, his breathtaking face, his piercing remarks, his lithe walk, his elegant hands, his supple, supple lips, his midnight black eyes, his...
How he wanted to tear that ugly coat off him and make him kneel in front of him.
How he wanted...
“You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry”
Ha In Soo swallowed hard as Yong Ha leaned forward locking his gaze with those teasing eyes and the sweet, plump lips formed the words that Ha In Soo could not for the life of him remember. He almost closed his eyes as the need became too large.
How he wanted, no needed, to punch those lips until they bled and begged...for more.
How he wanted...
“You float like a feather
In a beautiful world”
Ha In Soo couldn't stop watching as Yong Ha was gracefully making his way along the path in his flashy yellow coat. For a second the bright smile he was showing blinded Ha In Soo and he could feel his chest clench in an unfamiliar feeling.
How he wanted that smile to vanish and hear him gasp...in pain and humiliation.
How he wanted...
“I wish I was special
You're so very special”
Ha In Soo could feel the strain in his arms as he pulled back to launch the arrow. He knew he had overdone it but he would rather die than show Yong Ha any weakness as he could feel the gaze of those sharp eyes of his. Throwing a glance he could see the small smile on his lips and he realised that Yong Ha knew. He knew, and he was letting Ha In Soo know, that he knew. The realisation made Ha In Soo loose concentration for a fraction of a second and the usual perfect 10 turned into an unbelievable 5.
For each tear he shed, he wanted to make those eyes shed hundreds upon hundreds.
How he wanted...
“But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo”
So, some people didn't like the force he could display, see If Ha In Soo cared. The world would be his judge and everyone knew the world favoured power. A smirk appeared on his lips but it vanished as soon as Gu Yong Ha came into his mind. Everyone was terrified of him but not Gu Yong Ha. Yong Ha was always unaffected, untouched, pristine.
How he wanted to dirty that mouth and defile that body until he would be untouched or pristine any more.
How he wanted...
“What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here”
Without knowing it Ha In Soo found himself standing outside Yong Ha's dorm room. Surprised at his own actions and before anyone could see him he hurried back to his own room and closing the doors he cursed silently as the thought of Yong Ha sleeping just inches away from him crossed his mind.
Feeling the sweat break out on his forehead he wanted to throw something in release.
Yes, he wanted...
“I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control”
The grasp on Yong Ha's coat was burning his hands but the look in Yong Ha's eyes were making him unable to stop, as if they were egging him on. He pressed harder and was rewarded with a choking sounds as his grip was blocking the oxygen to Yong Ha's lungs but the look in his eyes didn’t change.
How he wanted to wipe out that defiant look in his charcoal black eyes and how he wanted those luscious kissable lips to tremble in pleas.
How he wanted...
“I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul”
Ha In Soo innately smiled to himself as he received another appraisal for his perfect grades. There was nothing in which he wasn’t first, archery, plotting, scriptures and power. Proudly he turned around to receive the greetings of all his minions but as his glance swept over Yong Ha's figure in the crowd he saw that Yong Ha's gaze was elsewhere.
The accomplishments faded to nothing as he wanted to crush that face in his hands to make those polished onyx eyes to look at him, only him.
Yes, he wanted...
“I want you to notice
when I'm not around”
Ha In Soo felt a small measure of satisfaction as the cup splintered into millions of shards and everyone around him ducked in fear. Yes, this was the reaction he wanted. But not from these worthless people but from the man who had neglected to show up at his command.
Next time he was going to show Gu Yong Ha what power meant.
Yes how he wanted to show him what happened to people that neglected Ha In Soo.
Yes, how he wanted...
“You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special”
Ha In Soo felt a surge of killing intent, his hand crushing air as he watched the giseang planting a kiss on Yong Ha's cheek. How dared that whore touch that flawless supple skin. How dared Yong Ha sit there and take it. How dared he pout those lips and put his hand on her arm.
Ha in Soo wanted to kill.
He desperately wanted...
“But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo”
Ha In Soo almost, almost, flinched at the wounded look in Yong Ha's eyes. He had finally managed to outwit him but for some reason he couldn’t grasp, it didn’t feel like the triumphant victory he had imagined for so long.
He started to open his mouth to tell him..something... , but Yong Ha beat him to it with his eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes could make all the words disappear and all the victories crumble.
Ha In Soo wanted those eyes.
How he wanted...
“What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here,”
Ha In Soo was drinking alone. He had waited for hours but as usual his command had glossed over Yong Ha. Still he was waiting, refusing to name the feeling that was crushing his heart. Maybe he had drunk too much, as if such a thing would ever occur.
He wanted this feeling to disappear...as much as he wanted Yong Ha to come...so he could punish him.
He wanted...
“She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...”
Ha In Soo could feel the power slip through is fingers as Yong Ha put his hand on his shoulder and with those eyes teased him without a word. As Yong Ha's hand slipped off and he walked in to the night Ha In Soo could not breath as Yong Ha's words were playing on repeat in his mind.
He wanted to reach his hands out and grab Yong Ha...to hold him..in place...to...
He desperately wanted...
“Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want”
Ha In Soo was pleased with himself. He had finally found a hold on Yong Ha and now he couldn't escape. Finally, finally Yong Ha would be his and his only. Now if he would only stay silent and do as Ha In Soo told him all would be fine.
Smiling ruefully Ha In Soo was already thinking of ways to reward Yong Ha for his silence.
Maybe he wanted a new coat, or maybe a new fan.
Maybe he wanted...
“You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special”
Ha In Soo breathed in the beauty of the man in front of him. Even in his shame and defeat he was glowing. His night black eyes were slowly filling with tears and his lips trembled as he stood his ground and would not let Ha In Soo rule him.
He wanted to crush this magnificent creature to his chest and kiss those trembling lips and throw him down and...
He wanted like he had never wanted before...
“But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo”
Even as Ha In Soo realised that this careful plan had been completely destroyed in a mere instance by the admittance of Yong Ha, he couldn’t stop his furiously beating heart. As Yong Ha turned to him and with a fierce voice highly proclaimed that he was “the Gu Yong Ha”, he knew he had lost. He knew he had lost and the feeling of defeat was sealing his lips. He knew he had lost and he wanted to take back every word and undo what he had done. For the first time in his life he wanted to take it all back... for someone...for Yong Ha.
Ha In Soo wanted to undo what he had done but it was to late now, for he had already lost him.
Still he wanted.
“What the hell am I doin' here?”
Ha In Soo watched as Yong Ha was gathering up his scattered possessions from the ground and he knew that it was all his fault. A suffocating pain he had never felt before was spreading slowly over his chest making it hard to breath.
Suddenly Yong Ha turned around and locked his gaze and Ha In Soo knew that Yong Ha knew. Those eyes told him volumes upon volumes and it made Ha In Soo gasp in understanding as he read them.
Ha In Soo had wanted...and Yong Ha had known...he had always known...
“I don't belong here.. “
“When a man's knowledge is sufficient to attain, and his virtue is not sufficient to enable him to hold, whatever he may have gained, he will lose again”
The parting words of Yong Ha kept ringing in his ears as he was again drinking alone in the dark. The pain in his chest had subdued by each cup he poured but for some reason they seemed to refill his eyes instead.
Maybe he was drunk he thought.
Yes, he was most definitely drunk for no matter what he did he could not stop this want.
Yes, Ha In Soo wanted...
How he wanted...
Desperately he wanted...
Until his entire being was cloyed with want...
and now he knew the word for it, for Yong Ha's eyes had told him.
The word was...love...
Series: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Soundtrack: Creep – Radiohead
Spoilers: -
Summary: Ha In Soo loathes Gu Yong Ha, or does he?
Excerpt: “As Yong Ha's hand slipped of and he walked in to the night Ha In Soo could not breath”
Pairings: Ha In Soo/ Goo Yong Ha (platonic)
Word count: ~2000
Rating: T (songfic)
Warning:
Other: Lyrics from Creep by Radiohead, quote from the Confucian Analects
Thanks: Solanyxe whose use of the quote from the Confucian Analects in her “Hunter's knife” inspired me so much I had to reuse it. Also iFardel who's use of “want” in “Bloody doesn't suit you” blew my mind until I had to use it too.
__________________________________________________________________
“When you were here before, Couldn't look you in the eye”
Ha In Soo's flint hard eyes could not tear themselves away from the water drops running down Yong Ha's hand and in under the sleeve of his elaborately decorated coat. When Yong Ha casually turned around, Ha in Soo immediately focused on a spot on the wall, as if the mere sight of Yong Ha was appalling.
How he loathed this creature before him, his flighty ways, his breathtaking face, his piercing remarks, his lithe walk, his elegant hands, his supple, supple lips, his midnight black eyes, his...
How he wanted to tear that ugly coat off him and make him kneel in front of him.
How he wanted...
“You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry”
Ha In Soo swallowed hard as Yong Ha leaned forward locking his gaze with those teasing eyes and the sweet, plump lips formed the words that Ha In Soo could not for the life of him remember. He almost closed his eyes as the need became too large.
How he wanted, no needed, to punch those lips until they bled and begged...for more.
How he wanted...
“You float like a feather
In a beautiful world”
Ha In Soo couldn't stop watching as Yong Ha was gracefully making his way along the path in his flashy yellow coat. For a second the bright smile he was showing blinded Ha In Soo and he could feel his chest clench in an unfamiliar feeling.
How he wanted that smile to vanish and hear him gasp...in pain and humiliation.
How he wanted...
“I wish I was special
You're so very special”
Ha In Soo could feel the strain in his arms as he pulled back to launch the arrow. He knew he had overdone it but he would rather die than show Yong Ha any weakness as he could feel the gaze of those sharp eyes of his. Throwing a glance he could see the small smile on his lips and he realised that Yong Ha knew. He knew, and he was letting Ha In Soo know, that he knew. The realisation made Ha In Soo loose concentration for a fraction of a second and the usual perfect 10 turned into an unbelievable 5.
For each tear he shed, he wanted to make those eyes shed hundreds upon hundreds.
How he wanted...
“But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo”
So, some people didn't like the force he could display, see If Ha In Soo cared. The world would be his judge and everyone knew the world favoured power. A smirk appeared on his lips but it vanished as soon as Gu Yong Ha came into his mind. Everyone was terrified of him but not Gu Yong Ha. Yong Ha was always unaffected, untouched, pristine.
How he wanted to dirty that mouth and defile that body until he would be untouched or pristine any more.
How he wanted...
“What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here”
Without knowing it Ha In Soo found himself standing outside Yong Ha's dorm room. Surprised at his own actions and before anyone could see him he hurried back to his own room and closing the doors he cursed silently as the thought of Yong Ha sleeping just inches away from him crossed his mind.
Feeling the sweat break out on his forehead he wanted to throw something in release.
Yes, he wanted...
“I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control”
The grasp on Yong Ha's coat was burning his hands but the look in Yong Ha's eyes were making him unable to stop, as if they were egging him on. He pressed harder and was rewarded with a choking sounds as his grip was blocking the oxygen to Yong Ha's lungs but the look in his eyes didn’t change.
How he wanted to wipe out that defiant look in his charcoal black eyes and how he wanted those luscious kissable lips to tremble in pleas.
How he wanted...
“I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul”
Ha In Soo innately smiled to himself as he received another appraisal for his perfect grades. There was nothing in which he wasn’t first, archery, plotting, scriptures and power. Proudly he turned around to receive the greetings of all his minions but as his glance swept over Yong Ha's figure in the crowd he saw that Yong Ha's gaze was elsewhere.
The accomplishments faded to nothing as he wanted to crush that face in his hands to make those polished onyx eyes to look at him, only him.
Yes, he wanted...
“I want you to notice
when I'm not around”
Ha In Soo felt a small measure of satisfaction as the cup splintered into millions of shards and everyone around him ducked in fear. Yes, this was the reaction he wanted. But not from these worthless people but from the man who had neglected to show up at his command.
Next time he was going to show Gu Yong Ha what power meant.
Yes how he wanted to show him what happened to people that neglected Ha In Soo.
Yes, how he wanted...
“You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special”
Ha In Soo felt a surge of killing intent, his hand crushing air as he watched the giseang planting a kiss on Yong Ha's cheek. How dared that whore touch that flawless supple skin. How dared Yong Ha sit there and take it. How dared he pout those lips and put his hand on her arm.
Ha in Soo wanted to kill.
He desperately wanted...
“But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo”
Ha In Soo almost, almost, flinched at the wounded look in Yong Ha's eyes. He had finally managed to outwit him but for some reason he couldn’t grasp, it didn’t feel like the triumphant victory he had imagined for so long.
He started to open his mouth to tell him..something... , but Yong Ha beat him to it with his eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes could make all the words disappear and all the victories crumble.
Ha In Soo wanted those eyes.
How he wanted...
“What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here,”
Ha In Soo was drinking alone. He had waited for hours but as usual his command had glossed over Yong Ha. Still he was waiting, refusing to name the feeling that was crushing his heart. Maybe he had drunk too much, as if such a thing would ever occur.
He wanted this feeling to disappear...as much as he wanted Yong Ha to come...so he could punish him.
He wanted...
“She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...”
Ha In Soo could feel the power slip through is fingers as Yong Ha put his hand on his shoulder and with those eyes teased him without a word. As Yong Ha's hand slipped off and he walked in to the night Ha In Soo could not breath as Yong Ha's words were playing on repeat in his mind.
He wanted to reach his hands out and grab Yong Ha...to hold him..in place...to...
He desperately wanted...
“Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want”
Ha In Soo was pleased with himself. He had finally found a hold on Yong Ha and now he couldn't escape. Finally, finally Yong Ha would be his and his only. Now if he would only stay silent and do as Ha In Soo told him all would be fine.
Smiling ruefully Ha In Soo was already thinking of ways to reward Yong Ha for his silence.
Maybe he wanted a new coat, or maybe a new fan.
Maybe he wanted...
“You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special”
Ha In Soo breathed in the beauty of the man in front of him. Even in his shame and defeat he was glowing. His night black eyes were slowly filling with tears and his lips trembled as he stood his ground and would not let Ha In Soo rule him.
He wanted to crush this magnificent creature to his chest and kiss those trembling lips and throw him down and...
He wanted like he had never wanted before...
“But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo”
Even as Ha In Soo realised that this careful plan had been completely destroyed in a mere instance by the admittance of Yong Ha, he couldn’t stop his furiously beating heart. As Yong Ha turned to him and with a fierce voice highly proclaimed that he was “the Gu Yong Ha”, he knew he had lost. He knew he had lost and the feeling of defeat was sealing his lips. He knew he had lost and he wanted to take back every word and undo what he had done. For the first time in his life he wanted to take it all back... for someone...for Yong Ha.
Ha In Soo wanted to undo what he had done but it was to late now, for he had already lost him.
Still he wanted.
“What the hell am I doin' here?”
Ha In Soo watched as Yong Ha was gathering up his scattered possessions from the ground and he knew that it was all his fault. A suffocating pain he had never felt before was spreading slowly over his chest making it hard to breath.
Suddenly Yong Ha turned around and locked his gaze and Ha In Soo knew that Yong Ha knew. Those eyes told him volumes upon volumes and it made Ha In Soo gasp in understanding as he read them.
Ha In Soo had wanted...and Yong Ha had known...he had always known...
“I don't belong here.. “
“When a man's knowledge is sufficient to attain, and his virtue is not sufficient to enable him to hold, whatever he may have gained, he will lose again”
The parting words of Yong Ha kept ringing in his ears as he was again drinking alone in the dark. The pain in his chest had subdued by each cup he poured but for some reason they seemed to refill his eyes instead.
Maybe he was drunk he thought.
Yes, he was most definitely drunk for no matter what he did he could not stop this want.
Yes, Ha In Soo wanted...
How he wanted...
Desperately he wanted...
Until his entire being was cloyed with want...
and now he knew the word for it, for Yong Ha's eyes had told him.
The word was...love...
I was hunting down SSK fanfics and I came across this. And it was amazing! The way you portrait the 2 seems so real. Especially In Soo, trying so hard to capture what he wants using the wrong way, his desire for Yongha, his wants and dark emotions. It was all wonderful to read.
ReplyDeleteThe relationship between these 2 is so fascinating.
From a fangirl's mind, I always wondered if there was anything hidden underneath. Since a good amount of times, In Soo seemed to showed he had a soft spot for Yongha, and was hell bent on having Yongha on his side.
I've been pulling my hair out over these two, and it's near impossible to find any fics on this pairing. So I was very happy to have come across your work.
Thank you so much for your comment. It really means a lot to hear from the readers what they like and how they percieve your writings. I am sooooo happy you like this pairing and I am currently wiritng on the new fanfic with them - it will be much more smutty, I promise!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
Wow. Three words come to mind while still gaping from the shock: ingenious, poetic and haunting. I loved it. Period.
ReplyDeleteIngenious because to weigh the lyrics against your own prose is, I think, a very new and innovative concept, which I love! I must hope that you are/will be using it often... Midway through reading, I HAD to put the melody fresh back in my mind, and sored for Ha in Soo scorching dilemma.
Poetic and haunting go together: what best way of portraying the roaring, nearly uncontained, violence of Ha In Soo going in pair with the placid, if not humourous, nonchalance of Yong Ha, than with poetry? The succession of little independent scenes, reinforced by the clever use of the recurring punchline, gives strength to the staccato evolution of the character, spanning hate, confusion, jealousy, violence, defeat and finally love. Seldom a "passion" has borne its name with such burning conviction! It was beautifully written, inventive, and so believable! I just wonder why these two are never associated in fan fictions, this is a mine for tragedy, drama, and comedy... and poetry.
Ha in Soo high-strung pain and violence reminded me of an Alexander Pope's poem I came across and this particular stanza: "die of a rose in aromatic pain". :)
Oooh, what lavish praise! I am most humbly happy that you enjoyed my fic. I am alos very pleased to hear that I have another In Soo/Yong Ha fan to the club - there isn't that many of them...
ReplyDeleteThe fic came up automatically when I was re-listening to "Creep". It just fit perfectly with In Soo's lack of selfknowledge and his obvious will to make Yong Ha his "man", so I thought I just had to write it down.
I have just published another fanfic with this coupling and I hope you will want to read it (although maybe its too smutty for you...) ;)
If you are looking for more fiction with this integration of lyrics I can recommend "Storm". I made sort of the same thing there, since the lyrics were almost telling the story alone.
Thank you for being a fan and for loving my writing - it means so much to me.