Pillow Book "I am III"

A few days ago I was in a situation where someone told me, that the he thought I should give up on my biggest dream, that I have pursued for quite some time. He felt that I did not have what it takes to do it, or to quote him directly:

"You are incompetent, slow and someone needs to help you with everything. You should give up, you are not fit for this."

Of course I already knew what he was going to say, and frankly his opinion makes no difference for me at all, but what is interesting is how he said it - "you SHOULD give up".

This is a litany I have heard ever since I was a child, over and over again. I have chosen a subject of studies and work that is traditionally male and very complex, and therefore I have NEVER had any support whatsoever from neither my family, friends, teachers och society.

It has not stopped me at all, rather it has just made me more determined to succeed! To show myself that I can do it, despite others opinions.

The entire time he was lecturing me I couldn't help having a quote from Sungkyunkwan Scandal in my head:

"You cannot make me give up with the words ""you can't do it",

because from the day I sought to learn literature as a girl,

I never once heard the words "you can do it"."

(quote by Kim Yoon Hee in Sungkyunkwan Scandal)

It is so right on that it is scary. For I too, have never once heard anyone tell me: "You can do it!"

No, rather all my life I have heard words like: "Give up" , "you are not good enough", "you are only a girl", "I am doing you a favour telling you this", "it would be better for you" and so on...

It is sad. It is pathetic. It is horrifying how someone think they have the right to judge you.

Funnily enough, I have actually succeeded. I have not given up, neither on me or my dream, and I have come to a understanding on why people feel they have to say these things:

They are afraid that we might succeed! That is why they tell you that you should give up.

Deep, down they are terrified that we might succeed - because it would mean that they have failed. They have failed themselves.

So, don't ever give up! Everyone had a right to their own opinion, but NO ONE has the right to tell to give up (which also makes me think of another quote from this formidable series:)

"I have finally come to stand in front of my target,

until I have shot all the arrows given to me

I have no thoughts of giving up."

quote by Kim Yoon Hee in Sungkyunkwan Scandal

So I tell you,

Until you shoot all the arrows that life has given you, DO NOT GIVE UP!

for even if you miss the target, maybe the very last arrow WILL hit it, and if you give up before you shoot it, you will never know if you could have done it or not.

Pillow Book "Phrases that touch my heart"

"I would give my life,

to be human"

lyrics from Ellie Goulding - Human

"I am the best dressed man in Joseon [...]

The more the colours don't match,

the bolder you can wear them together"

quote from Gu Yong Ha in Sungkyunkwan Scandal

"The world is yours

It's what you make of it

Shake it up!"

lyrics from SuperJunior - Shake it Up

"What we do in life,

Echoes in Eternity"

quote from Maximus in Gladiator

"But he knows that he’s miles behind everyone else and deals with the fact that he’s pathetic, incompetent and insignificant. He doesn’t give up on himself. What greater talent is there to be wanted?"

quote from Yoo Chang-ik in Sungkyunkwan Scandal

"The Road to Hell,

is paved with Good Intentions"

old saying

Pillow Book "I am II"

Today a friend of mine told me that

"You are one of those few people who always say what you think"

"but you are the only one I have ever met, who actually don't care what other people think about you. You just continue undisturbed, on your path."

"Ta-Meaut, you are cool!"

and then he added

"but I think your life would have been much easier if you had been a man, since this is something typically male."

As flattered as I was by this praise, it sure makes you think.

So being like this is ok, but not if you are a woman?

Then, what makes a woman? Aren't we all just humans?

Isn't this a part of human behaviour? Or are women not part of humanity?

What about me then? What if I feel male on the inside and just look female on the outside?

Does that count? Is it ok then?

Pillow Book "I am"

I am one of those people

who only needs to stand in a room

doing nothing

and there will be at least one person getting annoyed

I have no idea why...

I guess I am one of those people

who make you question who you are

just by existing

Poem "human III"

take your very last breath and ask yourself

Have you Laughed?

Have you Learnt?

Have you Loved?

This is dedicated to Arthur C. Clarke and his "Rama"-series.

Poem "human II"

The life you have is a singular multiplex entity.

Before you, there were never anyone like you.

After you, there will never be anyone like you.

You, are the only one that can be you.

You, are not replaceable. On any level.

As insignificant as you are in the entire history of the biocomplex multitude we call the Universe, still...

...there will ever only be ONE of you...

Revel in that fact...and be just you...

Fanfiction "Lake Arc II - Fan"

Oooh, Ok i finally have part II of the Lake Arc, this time from Yong Ha's point of view.

Enjoy, "Lake Arc II - Fan"

____________________________________________________

Title: Lake Arc II - Fan

Series: Original

Soundtrack: Fan – Epik High

Spoilers: -

Time frame: after series end, before they graduate

Summary: Yong Ha is amused with this enticing game, until he realises something...but then will it be too late?

Excerpt: “He couldn’t possibly think that it was a secret any longer? To Yong Ha? He almost felt insulted and frustrated and annoyed and confused and …amused.”

Pairings: Moon Jae Shin/ Gu Yong Ha

Word count: ~ 1400

Rating: T (fluff, romance, angst)

Warning:

Other: This is part II of the Lake Arc, part one can be found here "Lake Arc I - Illuminated"

Thanks:

____________________________________________________

Poem "human I"

Humans are nothing,

except what they make of themselves.

Fanfiction "Live Forever"

Sorry guys, I am feeling the weight of the world right now so my next posting is a very depressive fanfiction "Live Forever". (Feel warned...)

_______________________________________________________________

Title: Live Forever

Series: Sungkyunkwan Scandal

Soundtrack: Die Tonight, Live Forever - Innerpartysystem

Spoilers: -

Time frame: -

Summary: Is there something only you can give, that no one else can?

Excerpt: “With his heart beating away. With his mind going wild.

He ran as fast as the fear was spreading inside him.”

Pairings: Gu Yong Ha/Moon Jae Shin

Word count: ~1100

Rating: M (death, angst)

Warning: Character death (implied)

Other:

Thanks:

___________________________________________________________________

Poem "wings"

Dream

and be my beacon

to the stars

Absolutely gorgeous...

Ok, You are going to hate me but I have to, ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO, reblog this picture, also from fuckyeahkpopmakeupbabes, of MinHo from Shinee. I am just stunned beyond words, he is so absolutely stunning in makeup that it makes you reevaluate your sexuality.

I always liked his very firm and "manly" eyes, but holy cow he is more woman than most women!

handsome, cute or just freaky? part II

So, we are back to JaeJoong. my favourite rant/cutie/freaky and the concept of too much makeup (although this time the result is scary, in a good way).

I am reblogging this picture from fuckyeahkpopmakeupbabes . It is Jaejoong with photoshop makeup and holy smoked cutlets, doesn't he look fiiiiiiine.....To tell the truth, I think he looks better than most female k-pop stars, but I guess I go for the lips....mmmmmm...

Well at least now he matches his "Hello Kitty mirror"!

Fanfiction "Lake Arc I - Illuminated"

Wohoooo...

I am so loved! My first requested fanfiction! Thanks knerrir, this is for you!

It will be a three chapter arc, with various ratings depending on chapter, and its actually based on my earlier fanfic "Say it Right" (I have recycled a part...) so here is the first chapter "Lake Arc - Illuminated" with header:

________________________________________________________________

Title: Lake Arc I - Illuminated

Series: Sungkyunkwan Scandal

Soundtrack: Illuminated – Hurts

Spoilers: -

Time frame: After series end, before they graduate

Summary: Something makes Jae Shin see Yong Ha in a completely new light and it changes everything

Excerpt: “when the heavenly being brought his hands up to pull the hair from the back over the shoulder exposing his naked back Jae Shin's breath got caught in his lungs”

Pairings: Moon Jae Shin/ Gu Yong Ha

Word count: ~2500

Rating: T (fluff, romance, slight angst)

Warning:

Other: This is a recycling of a part originally written in “Say it right” but I got a request, by a fan who loved this part, to write an alternate story based on this part only, so here it is. There is a part II and part III also.

Thanks: To knerrir for the kind comments and for loving my lake scene.

______________________________________________________________

Pillowbook "unfold II"

Sometimes when reading or studying, or just taking a walk, I get a staggering feeling that a glimpse of the Universe is unfolding right inside my head.

The moment is so short you could have imagined it and so astonishing that it leaves you dumbfounded.

Afterwards I try to explain in words, to people or even myself, what I saw in that moment. It is very frustratingly impossible. As if your realisations lack a language for it to be described, like it is for your mind only.

These moments are so fleeting that they leave you with a profound sense of loneliness or loss.

My greatest wish is to one day be able to grasp in perfect clarity what the Universe is trying to tell me. I know that it would be wonderful, surprising and extremely fulfilling.

Poem "push"

...the absence of your presence makes me think in infinities...

Poem "pull"

I am bonded to you

heart to heart

with a thin blood red string

I thought nothing would change

I thought the thread was too thin to be felt

I thought I was strong enough

The further you are from me

it stretches

The longer you stay away

it stretches

like a rubber band, seemingly beyond its limit

threatening to violently rip my heart out

through my ribs

I am gasping for my breath

as it pulls harder and harder

for every day you are gone

I did not expect it to be like this

I did not expect you to mean this much to me

I did not expect it to hurt this much

When did you become

more important to me,

than me

Poem "its all so clear III"

I feel it coursing through my sex when his nimble fingers touch me

I feel it sending waves of delicious shivers when he sucks on my erect nipples

I feel it deep inside my core as he thrusts in me without mercy

Its in our soft moans

Its in our lusty cries

Its in our content screams

This violent passion leaving both of us breathless, in love.

Poem "its all so clear II"

I feel it in my heart when he holds my waist and presses me to his chest

I feel it in my stomach when he leans closer and breathes warm air on my neck

I feel it in my loins when he presses his soft lips to my sensitive skin

Its in my fingertips

Its in my lips

Its in my tongue that finally gets to taste him

This burning need deep inside me that always leaves me breathless.

Poem "its all so clear I"

I feel it when I look at him sitting across the table casually sipping his wine

I feel it when he looks at me with those polished onyx eyes that seems to absorb my very soul

I feel it when he throws his arm around me, leans in and whispers in my ear

Its in his laughter

Its in his warmth

Its in his fingertips when he traces my cheek

This gentle tugging at my heart that sometimes leaves me breathless

Holy Smut

I looooovee this YunJae fanfiction from Sekushiai: Passion

Short, straight ot the point you might think it is an easy piece of literature, but Holy smuttiness, if you fail to see the undertones you have missed the entire point.

Absolutely beautiful...

Yes, I have to work hard to reach this kind of level. Thanks for the inspiration!

Tameaut explained

I have gotten a request to explain my choice of alias for this blog "Ta-Meaut" so I think it it just fair that I share it.

It all started when I came across the mummy of the beloved cat of the pharao Thutmose V. He loved his cat so much that he wanted her to go to the afterlife just as a pharao did when he died with coffin and all. Apparantly the coffin and the mummification was so well done that some archeologists who happened to stumble across this magnificent find thousands of years after, were impressed. More can be read on this page: Beloved cat Mummy

My alias is a convolution between my name and the name of this cat TA-MiAt (which just means she-cat), because I love cats and because the story of a pharao that loved his cat beyond life really touched my heart.

I especially love the way they write on the coffin: "I am TA-MiAt, the Triumphant"

Poem "deadpan"

at every NO, but yes

at every NEVER, but ok

I gently dig my nails into the soft tissue

and peel another strip away.

Until my skinned soul is bleeding all over the floor.

Yeorim's devilish charm

Who can resist him?

Pillow Book "in the mean time"

Sometimes you feel as if life comes in the way of you.

Holding onto you, not letting go. Standing in the way of what you want to do...

You struggle, and struggle but each movement makes it harder to breath.

Can I tell you something?

Your life that so brutally stands in your way is not the enemy but the friend.

The life you really live is the life that lies between the dreams and wishes you have, life is "in the mean time" of what you think is your goal.

Therefore, don't struggle but embrace it. Life is too short to waste.

Poem "chalice"

When you hold me,

you fill me up to the brim

and when you slowly drink me

I replenish like a river.

as you brush your thumb past my ornaments

I light up and glisten,

drawing your small smile.

For my purpose is simple

and my master is you.